"Drinking is an emotional thing. It joggles you out of the standardism of everyday life, out of everything being the same. It yanks you out of your body and your mind, and throws you against the wall. I have the feeling that drinking is a form of suicide where you're allowed to return to life and begin all over the next day. It's like killing yourself, and then you're reborn."
- Charles Bukowski.I just pity the alcohol. Why does it have to take all the blame for such inhumane acts we do when we let ourselves be devoured by its spirit? When all it actually does is lessen our inhibitions, letting us do some unimaginable things we do not normally do with our sane mind.
I thought I was an exception.
Alcohol and I were never really friends, just an acquaintance. Whenever we would meet on occasional basis, I shy myself away from it. I never really liked it. For me, it's a downer. And if ever we get to hangout longer than the usual, I easily doze off.
Not until recently, I enjoyed the company of the alcohol. We became friends and I let it control myself. I did something out of my norms. For once, I was no longer an exception. I, too, was blaming it on the alcohol.
It happened one summery night, my non-kulam gay friends and I decided to have a drinking spree at one of the guy's apartment. The turn of events took place quickly. Bottles of brandy got emptied faster than the usual pace I was used to. I was receiving half-filled shot glasses more too often. It was as if everyone was in a hurry. Or everyone was too thirsty for the alcohol.
In short, I got tipsy and drunk when most of them were just warming up. That was it. I was starting to lose my inhibitions. I began to talk more. I was switching from one seat to another talking to the other guys in the room, trying to avoid the shot but still miraculously getting its way to me. My head was spinning, much worse than the head spins Efavirenz gives me.
After awhile, I settled on the sofa with the rest of the other guys. Then the unimaginable happened.
I was talking to the guy on my right who happened to be a doctor too, when this guy on the left suddenly wrapped his arm around my shoulder. My wholesome conversation with the doctor was cut as I looked toward the guy who placed his hand on my shoulder. He caught my attention and I looked his way.
We had a few chit chat early on during the drinking bout before I sat down on the sofa. He is a medical technologist working in a government hospital in Quezon City. He looked at me straight in the eyes with his arm still on my shoulder. He smiled and I smiled back. A few more seconds of stares then the unthinkable happened. He kissed me.
No, that was not the unthinkable part. I did not oppose in front of our friends. That was the unthinkable.
I let him kissed me. Our lips were interlocked onto each other, our tongues tied. I reciprocated the wrapping of his arm on my shoulder by holding on to his little love handles. He closed his eyes as I closed mine. I did not care about the people who would have seen what we were doing. It was emotionless anyway, a casual kiss from two drunken gay guys.
At last it stopped after a few more seconds. I could not believe I did that.
Our friends were in awe with what they have just witnessed. They, too, could not believe that I did that. (They were too used to the flirty attitude of Mr. Medical Technologist but not mine.)
They teased us to do it again. Intoxicated as we were, we actually did the lip-locking thing again. This time, it was longer but as emotionless as the previous.
The hype died quickly.I was glad it did.
He left the group in the middle of the drinking bout as he has an appointment early in the morning.
More and more bottles of brandy got emptied that night, that morning rather. I received too many more half-filled shot glasses. It was as if everyone was still in a hurry. Or everyone was still thirsty for the alcohol.
Just when the alcohol has totally engulfed my inhibitions, I saw my crush left the circle and found himself a spot in the bedroom to lay down and get some sleep. I declined another offer of the brandy and claimed myself to be too drunk to take another shot. I left the circle too, went inside the bedroom and found myself a spot and laid down beside him.
Disclaimer: Nothing special happened to Mr. Medical Technologist and I after the incident. No awkward feelings, no hatred whatsoever. We were still good friends as we have always been. It was merely due to the influence of alcohol.