Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Anniversary Blues

KK: Happy Anniversary. Myged isang taon na dumaan.
He sent me this message at the eve of my anniversary. It's been exactly a year today that I became aware that I got HIV. And then all of a sudden, tears wouldn't stop falling.

ako: Thanks, Kiki, for all the help, advices, and friendship. I wouldn't have made it this far if not for all of you. Naiiyak tuloy ako. Kainish ka! Lol!
I tried to internalize the reason why I was crying pero hindi ko masabi kung dahil nalulungkot ako at naalala ko bigla na I have an incurable condition, or naiiyak ako sa tuwa that I have made it this far. To no avail, hindi ko na rin nalaman talaga yung reason ng pagCrayola ko.

And then the flashbacks... the power of the remembering mind.

Naalala ko bigla lahat ng mga pinagdaanan ko this year, the struggles that I have faced, still facing and already overcome. I remembered how I decided to help others (mutant and non-mutant alike) in my own little way to enlighten them about HIV (everything you need to know about it, in the best way that I can). I remembered the good and the bad times I had with other mutant friends and acquaintances.

Lahat na lang naalala ko... the power of the remembering mind.

Reflect-reflect din pag may time.

Grabeng anniversary blues ito.

I hate crying pa naman before going to sleep. Paggising kasi sa umaga ang sakit sa mata, namamaga. Halatang crayola ang peg kinagabihan. True enough, paggising ko kanina, maga ang mga mata ko.

As of writing, medyo nahimasmasan na ko. Pero still a bit emotional as I re-read through most of my blog entries for the past year. (Wala akong mabasang diary entry ko this year except for my unfinished February entry.)

Ayun pa, dahil nagre-read ako ng blog entries ko kanina, naalala ko yung the very first mutant guy na nakausap ko even before I got tested, VK.

He introduced himself as a mutant kahit uncertain pa lang ako noon about my status. We became Facebook friends pero eventually nawalan na rin kami ng communication kaya I removed him from my friends list. I don't know why I did that. (Did I just sound regretful here? Lol!) Tapos, he suddenly showed up sa #REDx.

And just now, may napagconnect connect akong kwento about him and another mutant blogger. Hahaha! ...the power of the tsismosang mind. Char!

Enough na nga yun.

I am very grateful that God has still been good to me. He has given me the gift to see and appreciate life more, so that I may live it to the fullest.

Thank you to all the people who has been with me through this journey.

Life goes on and on and on and on.

Happy first year HIV awareness day to me! (Doesn't sound right, pero I know you get the point.) Cheers to 30 more years!

Disclaimer: The above-mentioned guy is the first mutant I have talked to nung hindi ko pa sure na mutant ako. And then after almost a year, first time ko lang siya nakita nung #REDx. Hindi siya si DM or si MY. :)



  1. hi. first time ko sa blog mo :-) wag na iiyak baka masira ang ganda hihihi

    and cheers to 30 more years

    1. oo nga, sayang ang ganda... pero minsan lang naman, therapeutic din sya wag lang sosobra.. :)