Monday, July 1, 2013

Inside My Closeted Closet

I have just let my two closest friends inside my closeted closet - my positive world.

I've been wanting to tell them about my status the moment I was diagnosed. Those days when I really needed someone to talk to but I just couldn't tell them. It wasn't the right time. My girl bestfriend was recently diagnosed to have an endocrine problem. I don't want to be an additional burden to her. My guy bestfriend, on the other hand, just proposed to his girlfriend. I would not want to spoil the excitement of knowing that he will be getting married soon.

It all came up to me, one dementor-ing hospital duty last week. I felt like wanting to tell them about my status. Spur of the moment decision, I messaged them that I wanted to meet them for dinner because I have something to tell them. That was it, making them clueless as to what it was until we saw each other that fateful night.

At first they thought I would be introducing someone to them, a girlfriend that is. Or they thought I'd be treating them for dinner. The second one would have been more feasible, but both guesses were wrong.

I was late. Good thing their choice of meeting me up was at a coffee shop less frequently visited by people. I sat down with them, offered them food to eat (but they declined), ordered a clubhouse for us (but I ate them all up eventually) and a coffee.

I warned them that my news wasn't good. But though it was a bad news, I have adapted very well with it. And that they got nothing to worry about. I just really felt the need of telling them.

I actually intended to tell the group/barkada about my sexual orientation prior to telling just the two of them about my status. (Kindly refer to this post.) But things went utterly different.

I think they were not prepared for it. I wasn't too. I could not put into words (literally) how to tell them, so I typed it in my phone's inbox instead and showed it to them.

"I got HIV."

They were shocked. Deafening silence. Then a question followed.


I typed my answer again. "I'm gay."

A bit off for an answer, I know. (Gay lang, magkakaHIV na?) But I was sure they understood what I meant by that, me being sexually active, promiscuous at times (*winks*), engaging myself in unprotected sex. They're intelligent. (Birds of the same feathers have the same wings.) ;)

Dead air, again.

They never expected that one coming. Who would, anyway? Funny, but they never suspected me of being gay. :)

After we all got our senses back, series of questions and answers followed... and more answers and some untold stories were shared. Most important thing I told them was that they need not to worry. I am perfectly fine, fine as any other normal human being. I have dealt with it for the past 6 months already, I know I can still deal with it for the rest of my shortened lifetime.

He said I was strong. I told them I'm not. :) Pretending to be strong, more likely.

So that's how it went. After the conversation, nothing has changed. We are still bestfriends. No emotional hugs. No tears were shed, which I actually preferred. I don't want to go home teary-eyed.

And I know my secret would be kept very safe with them.

Yes, it was a spur of the moment revelation but I was glad with the outcome. Happy to have real friends like them. Thanks muchos for the acceptance!


1 comment:

  1. Real friends will always accept you for who you are, nothing's changed naman eh, you're still you :)

    I always tell my friends na I'm still the guy na kilala nyo, wala naman magbabago dun :)

    It's just comforting to know that we've got friends who can understand us no matter the situation