Independence Day Hype

Napapadalas na lately na sa tuwing magkikita kita kami ng high school friends ko, lagi nila ako tinatanong about my lovelife. At lagi silang ready na may nirereto sa mga girl friends nila para sa akin. If my memory serves me right, naka-5 na yata silang girls na pinakilala sa akin since last year. And wala akong mini-meet kahit isa sa kanila. Lagi ko lang sinasabi na I'll check on her Facebook. Ganyan!

This summer outing ng barkada was no different. Although siguro mga 5 minutes lang namin napag-usapan the whole trip, hindi pa rin ako nakawala. Yung isa daw nireto nila sa akin, may boyfriend na. Good for her! At least may future siya with the guy, whoever he is. Kesa if sa akin siya mapunta. Magkaron pa ng My Husband's Lover, Book 2!

Reasons ko sa kanila kung bakit hindi ko sila ine-entertain? Either I was too busy with my studies before, I still got no work before and wala akong panggastos for the dates. Feeling ko rin kasi pang-high maintenance yung mga pinapakilala nila sa'kin. And eto ang pinakamalupit, masyado mataas ang standards ko na kunwari I don't like them. Well in all fairness, pretty naman sila lahat. :)

Nauubusan na ako ng reasons ngayon. I actually got no more reasons to avoid them. I got work and hawak ko ang schedule ko sa work. And ayun, I earn from my work now.

Feeling ko, they're having doubts already. Naman, they were not born yesterday. Lalo na si Psychology graduate na friend, at si prangkang girl friend.

Naalala ko si prangkang friend. Some time before habang pauwi from a birthday dinner with the group, tahimik ang lahat sa fx, songs from the radio lang ang background music. Bigla tumugtog yung song ni Gloc 9 and Ebe Dancel na "Sirena". Alam ko yung song and very catchy kasi ng melody, madali kantahin. ;) Pero hindi ko kinanta sa fx. Jed Madela sa kanta na naririnig. Tinanong ako bigla ni prangkang friend, "Alam mo yang kantang yan?" (Kelangan ako talaga ang tanungin?) "Uhmm, oo naririnig ko na, bakit?" sagot ko. "Wala lang... blah blah blah!" Kalerkey lang!

I've been wanting to tell them about my sexuality since after I got diagnosed, prelude ko sana sa pag-amin ko ng status ko to my two bestfriends na kasama dun sa barkada.

Kaya, I decided to come out to them nito sanang surfing trip namin nung tinanong na naman ako kung wala daw ba akong ipu-pursue kahit sino dun sa mga nireto nila for me. I almost wanted to tell them I'm gay, pero I held back. I did not want to spoil the fun. It wasn't the right time.

One of these days, I've been planning to tell them na. Once and for all matapos na yung pretensions ko with them. I believe, matatanggap naman nila ako. Mature na sila masyado. Kilala ko naman sila and I don't think I'll be having any problems with them once I come out. For all I know, baka alam na pala nilang lahat, hinihintay na lang nila yung confirmation from me. Super late na coming out story ito!

Ayun, just my thoughts this Independence Day.

Ito ang minimithi kong kasarinlan - ang kasarinlan mula sa mga tanikalang mahigpit na nakagapos sa aking totoong pagkatao. Deep!

Well, it's not that I'm coming out of my closet, breaking free from my hidden world. Hindi ko pa kaya to let everyone know. Let's just say, I'm letting a few worthy people inside my closet. So hindi siya total independence. One small step for me, one giant leap for my freedom.

So much for the Independence Day hype!

I'll let you know soon pag nasabi ko na sa kanila na beki ang barkada nilang doktor. Abangan!

Aja!