Fear Of The Unknown

Worried. One good word to describe me now.

Worried that I may have gotten "it."


Several months ago, I started feeling different. And I can't seem to relate it to any other disease I've learned in med school, except for one, HIV infection. Or maybe I am just being paranoid. But nonetheless, I might as well get checked. It took me long enough to muster the courage to have myself tested. Fear of the unknown. How do HIV testing centers look like? The people. Would I receive discriminating stares from them? Will I be meeting some people I personally know? It really scares me a lot.

So I got tested. I went to a government-owned hospital, as recommended by a friend. As opposed to what was in my mind, the testing center was actually a small room, a clinic. With only one staff nurse, I was entertained well enough. No discriminating stares, nor gestures. Fair enough. She took my history, and gave me a lecture about HIV. I actually told her I'm a health care professional, which then made her lecture quicker. ;) Consent was signed. Blood was drawn. And I was told to come back at least 2 working days for the result.

Knowing that it's a government hospital, I gave them a few days leeway so that when I get there, the result would have already been with them. A week after the blood extraction, I decided  to go back to get my result. As I was approaching their door, damned, my heart was pounding! I even felt short of breath. Parang feeling na pagbukas ko ng pinto, ang tatambad sa 'kin is a stage and meron akong isang super major concert. I stopped for a few seconds in front of the door, gathered up some more guts. I knocked and opened the door. And to my relief, wala nga pala kong major concert. I was only getting my result. Kinausap ko yung nurse, asked me to wait while she looked for my result. Kabado as I waited outside the room. She told me to come in. Eto na!

"Hindi ko pa makita yung result ng HIV testing mo." sabi nung nurse. What?! One week na yun ah. Syempre sabi ko lang sa isip ko yan. She gave me their number instead, and told me to call them first to check for my result so that I won't have to return again and again.

Disappointed and walang napala, I returned home, and still worrying about the true picture of my current health status.

Ang hirap!

This Monday, Dec. 10, I'll be calling their office. Hopefully, I'll be able to get my result. Whatever it is. Magkaalaman na. Time is of the essence.

Aja!