Today's Christmas

This one will be short.

I'd say that today's Christmas is way better than last year (newly diagnosed pa kasi ako last year), though we still have the same, usual handa, the usual visitors, and the usual family bonding.

Anniversary Blues

KK: Happy Anniversary. Myged isang taon na dumaan.

He sent me this message at the eve of my anniversary. It's been exactly a year today that I became aware that I got HIV. And then all of a sudden, tears wouldn't stop falling.

#REDx

Since my partner and I were late for the #REDx party, I have no accounts of what happened in the morning until uhm, say 2PM. ;)

Dumating kami dun tapos na ang lunch and siesta nila, and the next batch of games were about to start already.

Kaya gustuhin ko man gumawa ng detailed write-up about the grand event that took place yesterday, December 14th somewhere in Laguna, I obviously can't.

Still Fighting!

Time flies when you're uhm, er... having fun?

Grabe. It has been a year na pala since I started this blog. Luckily, I still have time to update this kahit hindi na as often as before. At least, my imaginary readers know na I'm still alive and kicking butts.

If I Die Young

My current mood put in a song:

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The Man Who Can't Be Moved

I just had a naughty LRT experience with a commuter.
He was roughly on his late 20's donning a corporate attire.

I took the LRT on my way to an appointment.
He was probably on his way to work. 

Unsolicited Inspirational Messages (2 of 2)

It is really heartwarming to receive unsolicited inspirational messages from people whom I don't even know - from people who are members of the popular carnal-knowledge promoting site, PlanetRomeo.

Taking The Challenge

When @health_worker5 tested HIV-positive, "let's just say that my world shattered into a thousand pieces. My mind went wandering in limbo. I got depressed and eventually cried my heart out," he said. But he learned that "life goes on even for HIV-positive people. (So) take it as a challenge to make your life better given the condition you have."

Gathering Of The Mutants

I don't know about the numbers but I think the other night's gathering of the mutants was one of the biggest I have attended.

Wake Me Up When September Ends

Hello!

I'm not dead. It's just that I was too busy with work that I forgot to update my blog.

Nagkataon lang din na October na, and I have not written anything for the month of September. Wake me up when September ends ang peg?

That Awkward Moment

I have not seen it coming.

I always hear stories of how two old acquaintances meet up at the hub not knowing that both of them are already mutated. Worse stories would be like meeting the very person who gave you the gift, or that very person you strongly suspected of giving you the gift at the hub.

Another worse thing that I have heard is how two old flames meet again after a very long while and learn right then and there that both of them are already mutants. 

Blaming It On The Alcohol (2 of 2)

I left the company of my alcohol-drowned friends and went inside the bedroom. My threshold for the alcohol has been reached. I found a vacant space beside Mr. Chinito Chub who has left the group earlier to rest. I laid beside him.

Mr. Chinito Chub and I have been in constant communication for days prior to this gathering through this fad social networking site on smartphones. We got along well and even jived early on in the gathering.

Blaming It On The Alcohol (1 of 2)

"Drinking is an emotional thing. It joggles you out of the standardism of everyday life, out of everything being the same. It yanks you out of your body and your mind, and throws you against the wall. I have the feeling that drinking is a form of suicide where you're allowed to return to life and begin all over the next day. It's like killing yourself, and then you're reborn."

- Charles Bukowski.

My Latest Count (2 of 2)

I have prepared myself well enough as to whatever my latest count would be. Tanggap ko sa sarili ko kung mga 20's lang ang itaas ng CD4 count ko, or umabot man lang ng 200, from an initial count of 173, masaya na talaga ako.

I could not ask for more. Naging pabaya din kasi ako sa sarili ko. Trabaho nonstop, stressful work environment, sleepless duties, discordant family relationships, drinking spree, just to name a few of my stressors.

My Latest Count (1 of 2)

What the hell is a CD4 anyway? Let me, in my own simple way try to explain what my co-kulam friends and I have been praying na sana laging mataas.

It is actually a glycoprotein (a molecule of some sort) found on the surface of immune cells such as T helper cells, and the like. Now these CD4 helper cells send signals to (or they HELP activate) other types of immune cells like CD8 killer cells, which as its name implies, KILL the infection.

Too bad, the HIV has high affinity for the CD4 cells and destroys them. Therefore, the lesser CD4 cells we have, the lesser killer cells are activated to fight the infection.

There you go. Masyado pa rin ba technical? Or did I make it ridiculously too simple?

Second CD4 Count

I know it has been a while since I have last updated my blog. And yet again, this will just be a quick one. Ako na talaga ang busy!

Tomorrow, I will be having my second CD4 count. Wish me luck and pray for me my imaginary readers, dear friends, and avid fans, that I may get a high count tomorrow. Although I have been constantly telling anyone na masaya na talaga ako na tumuntong man lang ng 200 ang CD4 count ko tomorrow (from an initial count of 173).

Viral load? I'm not quite sure if I could avail it too. Kapos sa budget. :)

I'll keep you posted. Promise!

The long hibernation is over.

Aja!

Inside My Closeted Closet

I have just let my two closest friends inside my closeted closet - my positive world.

That One Special Day

Birthday - it's that one special day amongst 365 others when we feel very special, very blessed.

But I guess mine last year wasn't a special one. I could remember my birthday celebration last year very well. I thought it would have been my last. And technically still, it was the latest. (I haven't had my birthday yet this year.)

Reminiscent mode: ON!

First Time Mountain Climbing

Technically, I was not really prepared for the trip. Yes, I was informed early on what to bring and what to expect from the tour, but I procrastinated (something I acquired recently). Ang dami kasi distractions.

Independence Day Hype

Napapadalas na lately na sa tuwing magkikita kita kami ng high school friends ko, lagi nila ako tinatanong about my lovelife. At lagi silang ready na may nirereto sa mga girl friends nila para sa akin. If my memory serves me right, naka-5 na yata silang girls na pinakilala sa akin since last year. And wala akong mini-meet kahit isa sa kanila. Lagi ko lang sinasabi na I'll check on her Facebook. Ganyan!

First Time Surfing!

I woke up this morning with all the body pains and muscle pains I could ever imagine. I got soft tissue swelling around the part where my ribs are in direct contact with the floor when in prone position. I got multiple eggplant-colored bruises on both knees. My triceps are a bit sore. My thenar muscles are sore too, which is something too hard to explain. But I love it! (Just like how Manny Pacquiao is proud with his body pains. Aray ko, galing ko!)

Unexpected Yet Fun

It was an unexpected yet fun meet-up with some beautiful entities from Twitterlandia last night. Aside from the SET, this was the second time I got to meet mutated people. (Meeting them in RITM does not count.) And as always, it's fun being with them.

Gates Of Hell

"Manila has six-hour jams, suffocating air and a horrifying sex trade whose workers consisted primarily of young children, many of whom have been sold to pimps by parents who took solace in knowing that at least their children would be fed."

Manila: Through The Gates of Hell, Inferno.

Don't Mess With The Doctor

And pumatol ako sa isang lasing na kasama ng pasyente sa ER.

Medyo marami ang patients ko that night (Thanks to JR, na pinalangin na sana matoxic ako!) and the wave of patients continued even after I have taken my ARVs.

I only have one nurse for that shift. So I have to do some errands as well. Utos ko, gawa ko.

Same Ground

My current mood put in a song:

My love,
It's been a long time since I cried
And left you out of the blue.

It's hard
Leaving you that way
When I never wanted to.

Pfizer Calendar

To keep myself busy so that my mind would not be wandering, thinking about so many things, I forced myself to clean the doctor's table: wiped it with Sterilium (eh ang baho, di ko feel ang amoy, I used alcohol and then water instead), rearranged the display medicines based on their expiry dates, stocked up all issues of MIMS according to issue, and threw out unnecessary scratch papers na nakasiksik sa loob ng isang desk calendar.

You could tell that my day was pretty boring. I have only seen a few patients the whole day that is why I had the luxury of cleaning out the table. A productive way of killing time.

Somber

It all happened too quickly.

We started fast and ended so sudden.

Partly, I know it was my fault. We had the chance to talk, but I screwed up. I could not just lower my pride yet again this time, like I have been trying to do in the past. And yes, I am somber.

Unsolicited Inspirational Messages (1 of 2)

Lazy Monday afternoon made me re-read through some of my saved messages from PlanetRomeo. While most saved messages contain different sort of pictures, from wholesome face photos to sexy topless and headless gym fitted hunks, to the absurd nude guys with their hard private part, other messages contain uhm, substance. I prefer the latter.

Life's Uncertainties

She got the sweetest kiss on my cheeks whenever I visit her in their place in the province. The way she smudge her nose on my face, and then inhale deeply as if smelling every scent of me, the way her warm lips touches my skin... they were all one of a kind. So simple that I have taken them for granted for so long. And now that she's gone, I suddenly missed them all.

Imprinting

Warning:
To all the Twilight Saga haters, please do not continue reading. 
I have warned you.

SET

I was supposed to be attending SET (Self-Empowerment Training) with some Twitter friends last March 9-10 the first time I heard about it. But as I tried to register, the slots for that date were already full. So I decided to attend the March 23-24 schedule, but then my friend, EU, demanded (yes, he demanded) that I join him on the last batch of SET for the month of April.

Since I got nothing to do and I am pretty much in control of my schedule this summer, I agreed to join him on that day.

However, it was a long wait. Batch after batch, they have finished their training with all good feedbacks and reviews to tell. Good thing that I have kept myself busy with work that time passed quickly.

Northern Lights

My current mood put in a song:

Every time I close my eyes I can touch the colors around me 
Suddenly I realize everything I thought was impossible is here
And my heart sings in a world so incredible 
And everything burns much brighter

Adventurerong Pusit

Habang tinatahak ang baybaying dagat patungo sa isa sa mga mala-paraisong isla ng Pilipinas (somewhere in South Luzon), tinanong ako ng kaibigan ko.

friend: Ang hilig mo rin magtravel, ano?

ako: Hindi naman. Nagsisimula pa lang. Gusto ko kasi malibot ang Pilipinas bago ako mamatay. Hahaha!

friend: Adik!

Some Perks

I didn't mean to brag about it. And I have no intention, whatsoever, to use it as an advantage but it just happened.

Recognizing And Thanking Some Few People

Lumampas na yung 100 days after ko malaman na I got HIV. I was planning to write something melodramatic pa naman sana about it. But anyway, it's my 105th day of HIV awareness today. Not bad for an entry about my 100 days. And it's April Fool's Day today. Wala namang konek!

I was just thinking of recognizing and thanking some few people who have been there to support me during the critical period of my journey towards the acceptance of my fate, my destiny of being an HIV positive guy. Since my family and friends do not know anything about this, lahat ng babanggitin ko are positive guys as well.

My Kulam Timeline

Just so that I won’t forget some dates in my Kulam days (as my friend EU and I fondly term ourselves which actually meant being infected with HIV), I tried to create my Kulam timeline. This is also in lieu of my 100^th day of HIV awareness on March 27, 2013. (Awareness, since I can’t really recall when I was infected. So I’m counting the days since I became aware of my HIV status.)

Hindi Isang Ordinaryong Pakikipagsiping

Dahil parehong pagod ang aming katawan dulot ng napakahabang biyahe namin papuntang norte, nakalipas ang magdamag na walang nangyari sa amin. Tahimik na dumaan ang gabi. Mahimbing ang tulog ni GI sa gawing dulo ng kama. Gayundin ang tulog ko sa kabilang dulo ng kama.

Umaga na rin marahil ng maalimpungatan ako sa ingay ng busina ng mga bus at sigawan ng mga barker sa kalapit na terminal. Maganda sana ang silid na inokupahan namin para sa gabing iyon liban na lang sa ingay ng paligid.

Pinakiramdaman ko si GI. Si GI na nakilala ko sa PR nito lamang Pebrero at nakulit kong samahan ako sa aking pakikipagsapalaran na maglakbay mag-isa. Naging magkasundo naman kami sa maraming bagay. Hanggang sa dinala na nga kami sa mismong eksenang ito ng aming buhay. Pinagmasdan ko ang kanyang payapang mukha. Pakiwari ko’y mahimbing pa rin ang kanyang pagkakatulog. Napagod siguro ng husto.

The Infamous Nevirapine Rash

It has been 4 days since I had fever, the longest time I have ever encountered. And as far as my adult mind could remember, my temperature on the 2nd night of fever was the highest temperature I ever recorded, 40.2oC. Good thing it was planned that I am supposed to go to RITM on Friday (3rd day of my fever) intended for my refill, and to meet with a new found friend, EU.

Fever On The 8th Day

I'm having fever on the 8th day of my antiretroviral therapy.

It must have been my body’s reaction to the medications. Tama ba? Oh well, tustado na utak ko ngayon sa init eh.

I started with a temp of 37.5oC in the afternoon, associated with body malaise hanggang sa it increased with an increment of 1 to 2oC every hour even with super daming paligo and sponge baths. As of writing, my temperature is currently at 39.2oC. 

Elixir Of Life

My Elixirs of Life.

Legend has it that whoever drinks the legendary potion, the Elixir of Life, shall be granted with the gift of eternal life.

Text Message From Sagip

This morning, I got a text message from Sagip PGH.

"Good morning po. This is M** from Sagip PGH. I want to inform you regarding your confirmatory test for HIV. Ready for pick-up na po. Please text back po. Thank you."


Oh my God! Eto na yung result. Finally, after 3 months, dumating na rin sa wakas yung result ng HIV test ko.

Eye-Ball For A Cause

Today, may naka-EB ako. But this time, it was an eye-ball for a cause.


Nakilala ko si OG from PR one fine Tuesday afternoon. As I was checking out on some profiles, I stumbled upon his. It was stereotypical. There was nothing much but a few description about himself. It was simple, wholesome ang dating ng profile. But his photos were telling otherwise. Kumbaga sa Photo Classification ng PR, his photos were all soft core.

Worrisome PPD

Nagsusumigaw na positive! 

That’s how I describe my PPD test. A whopping 20mm induration. Super positive talaga, considering that it only needs to be more than 10mm induration for healthworkers, and an induration of more than 5mm for an HIV positive person to say that the test is positive.

I Miss Them!

Habang nakatunganga pretending to be reading my book, all of a sudden, I miss my mom and dad.

Nakita Ko Si Ex!

I had just received my order of a Fully Loaded Meal from the counter and I have found myself a suitable place for me to munch on my meal. I managed to find a vacant seat midway between the counter and the entrance door. Pwede na.

I sat down, said a little prayer, glanced at everyone around the fast food restaurant and started eating.

Contact Tracing

This entry is mainly for those who frequently ask me how I got the infection. I always answer them, malamang through sex. Although, may possibility rin naman na through needle stick injuries ko na-acquire. May pagka-clumsy rin kasi ako sa work. Natutusok ng karayom na nagamit na sa pasyenteng hindi ko naman alam ang status. Pero very minimal naman ang risk of transmission through needle stick injuries. So, sex pa rin.

And then they’ll paraphrase the question. From whom did I acquire the virus?

History of Present Illness

A lot has been asking me what were the symptoms that I experienced which prompted me to take the HIV Antibody Test. And I noticed that I haven’t really written it down here.
 
This entry will tell my ordeal. One thing, gusto ko sana gawin itong entry na ‘to na parang format ng History of Present Illness (the ones you see in the medical records of patients) kaso it would be too objective. I won’t be able to put some emotions in it.

So, here’s my story.

Conversation With The Unlikely Fellow

Sino ba nag-imbento ng New Year’s Resolution?

Dahil bagong taon, kailangan magbagong buhay.

Well, I think that should not be the case. If you want to change something about yourself, it should start any time of the year. Walang pinipiling oras o panahon. Hindi yung hihintayin mo pa mag New Year para magbago. If you feel there is a need for you to change your ways, you should start right away.